People Prefer the Certainty of Misery Rather Than the Misery of Uncertainty
Guilt is a Heavy Anchor: Finding Safety in the Pain of Grief
Grief is full of uncertainty. It pulls us into a space where nothing feels solid, where we have no control over what has already been lost.
Guilt, on the other hand, gives us something to hold onto. A script to follow.
If only I had done more.
If only I had said something.
If only I had been there.
And so, we cling to it—
Because the certainty of guilt, even when painful, feels safer than helplessness.
But guilt and longing can shape a lifetime. They keep us circling a past that can’t be rewritten. Maybe that’s why we hold on so tightly. Not because guilt is the truth, but because it gives grief a shape when everything else feels like it’s slipping away.
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Warmly,
George Chan
This Is How We Heal
George Chan, MCOU, is a Counsellor, Grief Educator and Breathwork Coach who specialises in helping individuals navigate grief and loss through his private practice, This Is How We Heal. With a rich background in theatre and entertainment, George brings creativity and empathy to his work. When he's not in the therapy room, you might find him performing, choreographing, or working on a new production—or spending time with Luna, his Jack Russell Terrier, who doubles as his unofficial co-therapist and production critic.