You Don't Have to Look Broken to Be Hurting
Does Your Pain Have to Be Visible to Be Real?
I’ve had my heart broken once. The kind of loss that makes you question your worth, your choices, the story you thought you were living. Instead of sitting with the pain, I did what I always did: I ran. I flew to London for a musical theatre audition, chasing the one thing I wanted more than anything—that role.
The role I was auditioning for was shattered by love. I poured my heart into that audition, but the feedback hit hard:
“You didn’t play the brokenness enough.”
I stood there, holding those words in my hands. My vague look of acceptance. Brokenness? I knew brokenness. It was still pulsing under my skin. And yet, it hadn’t come through.
It made me think—how often do we not look as broken as we feel?
We expect grief to be visible, something others can see and point to and say, “Yes, there it is. That’s the pain.”. But pain doesn’t always look the way people think it should. Sometimes, it’s quiet. Sometimes, it’s in the holding together, not the falling apart.
Suffering isn’t always loud. And healing isn’t always visible.
And maybe that’s the greatest irony: The deepest pain is often the hardest to perform.
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If this resonates, I explore it further in another blog post, “The Irony of Brokenness: When Grief Hides in Plain Sight.”
If you found this post helpful, feel free to share it with someone who might benefit!
Warmly,
George Chan
This Is How We Heal
George Chan, MCOU, is a Counsellor, Grief Educator and Breathwork Coach who specialises in helping individuals navigate grief and loss through his private practice, This Is How We Heal. With a rich background in theatre and entertainment, George brings creativity and empathy to his work. When he's not in the therapy room, you might find him performing, choreographing, or working on a new production—or spending time with Luna, his Jack Russell Terrier, who doubles as his unofficial co-therapist and production critic.