Childhood Grief: The Losses We Carry Into Adulthood
We often think grief begins when we are old enough to understand it.
But some losses arrive much earlier.
A parent dies.
Someone walks out the door.
The definition of home changes overnight.
And a child standing inside that moment doesn’t yet have the words, or the adult around them to help make sense of it all.
So grief hovers.
Then it goes underground.
And years later, resurface in places that does not seem connected at all.
One of the things I do with grief work is something we call a “loss inventory”.
A timeline of losses, both visible and invisible.
Deaths. Divorces. Friendships. Moving homes. Illness. Career. Safety. Belonging. Trust. Childhood.
Versions of themselves they had to discard to appease or survive.
And often, clients are surprised by what we excavate.
So am I sometimes.
Because across the spans of a lifetime, grief had shaped what they thought was simply their personality, when in reality, much of it had first begun as a child’s strategy simply to survive.
If you found this post helpful, feel free to share it with someone who might benefit!
Warmly,
George Chan
This Is How We Heal
George Chan, MCOU, is a Counsellor, Grief Educator and Breathwork Coach who specialises in helping individuals navigate grief and loss through his private practice, This Is How We Heal. With a rich background in theatre and entertainment, George brings creativity and empathy to his work. When he's not in the therapy room, you might find him performing, choreographing, or working on a new production—or spending time with Luna, his Jack Russell Terrier, who doubles as his unofficial co-therapist and production critic.